Saturday, August 9, 2008

Interlude Lori

Usually when I tell my wife Lori that I love her , she asks "why " I mutter something like , because you' re cute , or because you are adorable , because of the way you smile ...something I say , just to buy me time , time while I truly try to answer this question because I understand that Lori is sometimes genuinely puzzled about my love for her ..
And the truth for me is cannot fully explain it ...its like explaining gravity. I know it exists I can experience the effects of Gravity and my love for Lori , but I cannot fully explain it ...on the surface it seems easy ..you drop an orange and it falls to the ground ...simple ...yet consider that everything we know is formed by atoms ...what holds the Oranges Atoms together to form the Orange , but lets the Orange drop to the Ground...what holds two people together in love ?
Lori is not my first wife , she is my third , but she is my last wife of that I am quite certain. What attracted us is complicated ...two lonely people reaching out to each other , discovery , need , ? Its uncertain , what is certain is that across a great expanse we found each other , courted , fell in love , married and have spent the last 13 years on a roller coaster .
Its certain that our love is not the young love of the High School sweethearts , its not the exploration of love of the twenty somethings ...Both Lori and I without saying it realize that in time , one of us will stand supported by family and friends as the other is buried and put to rest. One of us will carefully pack away clothes that will no longer be used or worn , a shirt that visited the OK Corral ( our local restaurant ) , a blouse bought in Portland Oregon, Sweat pants worn to bed hundreds of times , One of us will gaze at Loris carefully and lovingly prepared photo albums and scrapbooks ...pausing as the tears swell and the mouth trembles ...remembering a distant Anniversary trip to San Francisco , or a Sunset on the Oregon coast with dear friends..One of us will suddenly and acutely be aware of stored treasures , and the comon place items that touched the living now useless.
We know that day will come , and I suspect that each of us wishes , prays that it is not us left behind ...The promise of Heaven seems such a better trade , than the loneliness and sadness of life with out our helpmate and soul mate ...
It is unbearable for me to imagine life with out my dear Lori , and I suspect she holds the same feelings close to her heart ...
what is Love ...why do I love her , why does she love me ...we may never know ...but we know we love ...and to help us on when the end comes ...we know we are loved , by one who's love endures forever ...

4 comments:

Becky said...

Kenn, your talent with words is amazing. As I am learning you are.

Lori Stilger said...

Gotta tissue, anyone???? :)
Love you, Bear, always and forever.

Anonymous said...

ok, crying....

And that is so true about the earthly things left behind...the sweat pants, the photos, things held dear....having lost my son...it's amazing the emotions all those evoke each time you see them, feel them, view them.

I have a surfboard, swim trunks,tons of photo albums he made in his travels, a pair of big tennis shoes and his leather jacket.

But he is with the Lord, and I am left behind.

Hold close to one another, major in the majors, dwell in unity, overlooking the 'stuff' that occurs in daily life.

You two were led together of God. It's awesome.

And...i LOVE reading about it. MORE, MORE, MORE! This is like waiting until Saturday at the movies when the next episode of Flash Gordon!
;)
K

Anonymous said...

well i screwed up ... waiting for the next episode of Flash Gordon to appear!

and it's amazing the emotions all those evoke each time you see them, feel them, smell them
NOT
see them, view them ;)
teary eyed lol